For those of us who are truly into our program, band is not just the place where we come together to make music.  It's also our home, our circle of friends (a very LARGE circle), and a societal template that most of us, believe it or not, live and follow.  Within this social microcosm, there exists a phenomenon that is very fascinating (not to mention hilarious) to observe.  This phenomenon is more prevalent this year than in years past, which makes its defining characteristics all the more noticeable, and funny.  We all call these phenomena 'band couples'.

Though I haven't bothered to count for myself, Ive been told at the current time that there are ten band couples in existence.  I wont bother to name them; who knows if they'll exist tomorrow?  Ten may not sound like a lot, but lets do the math here: 10 couples equals 20 people.  There are 81 wind players in the band, plus 15ish  people in the pit and the battery.  Therefore, over one fifth of the band is bound in one of these so-called band couples.

What makes these couples so unique?  Having been in band so long, it's hard to say, since I honestly can't compare to a non-band couple (seeing as I've never had a girlfriend on the outside).  Nevertheless, I think there are some quirks that we all can agree are extremely odd:

            1. Courting: Traditionally, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy dates girl, and so forth.  In band, we already know each other.  We're all together on our Friday and Saturday nights, too, so going on individual dates is also a little tough.  So, in band, boy already knows girl, boy realizes he likes girl (and vice versa), boy and girl start calling rehearsals, football games, and competitions their 'dates' or 'special togetherness time'.  Whereas people on the outside have their memorable moments together alone watching a movie or enjoying a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant, memorable points of a relationship in band include playing romantic tunes like Hey Baby or the Tuba Thing after our football team scores a winning touchdown, or when the band plays a great show at a competition, and the two share a satisfied embrace in the freezing cold bleachers, waiting to see how they did.

            2. Hormones: In many high school relationships, the hormones flow between the boy and girl (or boy and boy, or girl and girl, whatever) like electricity in a Texas penitentiary: a lot, and without end, or at least until Texas runs out of convicts to fry, which will be never.  However, in band couples, although the feelings remain the same between the two people, certain stimuli mandate the flow or lack thereof of hormones.  For instance, if a female clarinetist is sitting during a rehearsal, staring at her boyfriend in the trombone section (yes, despite the common opinion, trombone players ARE capable of girlfriends) and the two are making affectionate faces at each other, the affection the two have for each other opens a tap of hormones that is pretty hard to turn off.  Hard, unless your name is Diane Koutsulis or Cecil Myers.  If a conductor sees the immature exchanging of faces between the two, a harsh scolding shuts off the hormones like few things can.  Other things cause an extreme upturn in hormones, one of which is so interesting and powerful in its command over our hormones that it requires its own heading.

            3. 'Bandtrip-itis': You all know what I'm talking about.  As soon we step on that tour bus, I can smell the testosterone.  I can hear it buzzing off the boy two aisles back, talking to his girlfriend on another bus, via a walkie-talkie.  I try not to eat on the bus, because once I open my mouth, I can taste the testosterone, permeating throughout the bus, dominating all the boys' minds (and I assume it's similar for the ladies, considering all the couples that form during band trips) like a tank of nitrous oxide.  Bandtrip-itis is an odd condition, one to which I, unfortunately, am not immune.  I'm not sure why it happens.  Here's the only explanation I can offer: teenagers like other teens.  On band trips, there are no parents to keep you from doing, well, anything.  I guess the old axiom, 'When the cat's away, the mice will play' applies to parents and their sexually-frustrated teenagers (for those of you who don't think you're sexually frustrated, you probably are.  Sexual frustration is a rule in high school, I swear).  I don't understand it.  I probably never will.

            4. The End: Every band couple ends differently, for the same reasons (usually) as relationships on the outside.  Sometimes the two members stay friends, sometimes not.  But one fact remains constant throughout the end (and often the beginning) of any band couple: the close-knit nature of everyone in band causes EVERYONE in the band to know immediately when a couple has started or ended, and everyone also knows how and why the couple broke up.  Whereas normal people keep something like that kind of thing to themselves, the entire band knows how many times 'Marcia' cheated on 'John' by hooking up with 'Sam', and they often know the dates.  And if you ask the flutes, you can usually even get the times of day.  Last time I got dumped, I signed online about four hours after it happened, and more than half of my buddy list almost immediately IMed me, making sure I was okay.  No secrets in this band.  No secrets, no privacy.

I could ramble for a while here, about how fickle these odd little phenomena are, but who am I kidding?  The society of which I am a part, namely band, is largely characterized by these interesting little buggers.  Who am I to challenge the system? It works!  It's not like I wouldn't mind being half of band couple #11 or anything!