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*MeMbEr pRoFiLeS* *ObOe JoKeS*
-What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
...A bad oboist can kill you.
-What's the similarity between a family reunion and an oboe solo?
...You know they are both coming and there is not a damn thing you can do about it
-There was a band directer who had a gun with two bullets. there was an oboe player, trumpet player, and bassoon player. Who did he shoot?
...The oboe player; Twice, just to make sure.
-What's the difference between an oboist and a psychiatric ward patient?
...The oboist just hasn't been caught yet
-Did you hear about the successful hunter's secret to attracting so many ducks?
...He paid an oboe player to go along with him and play.
-What's the difference between an oboe playing in tune and Star Trek?
...Star Trek could actually happen one day.
-What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
...No one crys when an oboe gets chopped up.
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*ReAsOnS tO pLaY tHe ObOe*
-The way people look at you when you tell them you play oboe.
-"No, its not a clarinet"
-When you're swabbing it out you can pull on your swab really hard so that it flings into the person's face who's beside you and go "Oops, sorry, It got stuck."
-"You play WHAT?! an elbow?!"
-Because you like to be the unsung hero of the band.
-If you want more attention, all you have to do is sqwak on your reed. Double bonus if you have more than one reed in your mouth at the same time.
-The excuses of "my reed is broken" or "sorry, new reed".
-You can make it sound like one of those big trucks backing up and annoy the heck out of your parents.
-You can play it at 7 on saturday morning and see how many people get out of bed to yell at you.
-It's funny to see how many times people can knock over oboist's reed water.
-You can walk through places where theres non-band people with your reed in your mouth and listen to people ask each other "is she SMOKING?!"
-You can make the walls move. Just play really high notes when you have a stuffy nose.
-You will always win those contests where you see who can play the longest with only using one breath.
-It looks better on your resume for "What do you do in your spare time?" than 'play my air guitar'.
-You get to sit beside the flute section and make comments on how they have a real attitude problem.
-You can be over-protective of it without people thinking that you're too strange.
-The case doubles as a thing to throw at your older brother the next time he starts to throw shoes at you (I recommend that you remove your oboe before you throw it)
-If you lose your music, you can look off the flutes'.
-People pay attention to you long enough to figure out what the heck that thing is you're playing.
-You can always hide in the clarinet section if you dont feel like playing. -No one cares if you're not heard.
-You always get your own stand.
-Its even fun to slurp spit out of your oboe and see the utterly disgusted looks people give you.
-Whenever theres a hard part in a piece, you can begin messing with your reed as if there's a problem with it that's keeping you from playing.
-You usually get a good seat in band.
-It gives you a great sense of pride to look at the carpet where all the oboists sit and see all the water stains :)
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Oboe players are seriously nuts. They usually develop brain tumors from the extreme air pressure built up over the years of playing this rather silly instrument. Oboists suffer from a serious Santa Claus complex, spending all their waking hours carving little wooden toys for imaginary children, although they will tell you they are putting the finishing touches on the world's greatest reed. They soak their reeds constantly and are overly protective of them. Oboists can't communicate normally and walk around scaring other band members. They have special eating requirements which usually makes them extremely hyper which is endlessly annoying and which is intended to make them seem somewhat special.
-Author Unknown
*ThE ObOe StOrY*
A band can't sound like a band without a good oboist. That's why band directors love them the best. See, until they get a good oboist, their band sounds like a clarinet choir with horns and flutes. Its like making a painting without an important color. It just aint right. Plus, most band directors can't play or teach oboe, (It's too dang hard.) so they have to wait until a good one comes along who will get lessons or figure it out and start an oboe dynasty, and then hope that dynasty doesn't die out.
By: Victor (www.bandtek.com)
*ObOe ExCuSeS*
-"uhm. it was the reed. its new, ya see."
-"my oboe. its my oboe." ::repeat this over and over with while looking at your oboe as in disbelief::
-"i didnt have enough time to soak my reed!"
--"the trombonist knocked my water over so COULDN'T soak my reed!"
-"thats the way its supposed to sound!"
-"its cold outside, and on my way to class, my oboe froze in the case. its thawing as we speak."
-::point to any part of the oboe:: "its not moving the way its supposed to! look!"
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